Brendan + Gavin
Hi everyone.
We are Brendan and Gavin. We met through friends about 18 years ago. For the first few years, our relationship was a friendship. However, when we went on a group holiday a spark developed between us and our relationship blossomed into something special. By chance, we booked our wedding for the summer of 2015. Ireland had just voted yes for marriage equality and as we walked down the aisle at the end of our ceremony, a married couple, surrounded by friends and family cheering, it felt like it was so much bigger than us. Our friends were celebrating us, but they were also celebrating this new equal Ireland.
It was at our wedding that 2 friends told us they had started the surrogacy journey. We had discussed starting a family, but now that we knew another gay couple who were doing this, it suddenly seemed achievable. Over the next few months, we did a huge amount of research and when we went on an extended honeymoon a few months later, we used the time to have some calls with clinics and surrogacy agencies. We decided to pursue a journey in the United States. Legally it felt the safest route, for both the intended parents and the surrogate, as everyone’s rights and responsibilities are detailed in law. We felt secure in the knowledge that we had reliable professionals looking out for both us and our surrogate.
Our children Theo and Lily are quite close in age - there's just over 17 months between them. They are beautiful, kind children and we are already so proud of them. They are both fearless, but also gentle. I don't think we will ever again experience the mix of emotions we felt when we first held them…... exhaustion, elation, joy, nervousness and pure love!
Contrast that with how we feel when we have to deal with our families legal situation. The process has been exhausting and annoying. As mentioned, both children have us listed on their birth certs. That reflects their family. They have no other parents - we just want those birth certs to be recognised in Ireland. We thought we received equality when Ireland voted yes in 2015 but we didn't. We are still discriminated against in this country. We are still made to feel like second class citizens. It is shameful how our family has been treated in this country, the country that we love.
In our home, Brendan is referred to as Papa and Gavin is Dada. Hearing our children call us by these names brings so much joy. It’s so unique, they are the only people who will ever refer to us as that, it makes us so proud! Our children have come into this world from a place of love. We have a gorgeous life together. However, the limited legal relationship that our children are allowed to have with one of their parents is both dysfunctional and infuriating. Their American birth certificates reflect their family, we are both listed as parents, but yet in the eyes of the Irish law, one of the named parents is invisible. We feel that with the passing of marriage equality we have been invited to the dinner table only to be offered the scraps. This is not good enough. We are not a Parent and Guardian. We are Papa and Dada. We are our children's parents. END OF!
