Mark + Damien
Hi everyone,
We are Mark and Damien, an Aussie/Irish couple based in county Westmeath. We have been living here since moving back from Australia in late 2019.
We met on a blind date and both knew pretty much straight away that we had met ‘the one’ - we just clicked and could be ourselves around each other from the beginning. Even though we have very different personalities, we have lots in common and similar life values. We spoke about having children on our first date. We had both reached a point in our lives, where we wanted to become parents - in fact, each of us were thinking of doing it as a single parent if needed.We did lots of research on how and where we might become parents, before settling on the idea of an international surrogacy journey in the USA. Our daughter Izzy was born there 6 weeks early. I will always remember holding her the first time and being just overwhelmed with emotions. These ranged from (lots of) tears of joy, to believing that she was the most beautiful child in the world, to feeling OMG this person is now our responsibility! These were underpinned by a constant worry that one of us would drop her!
In the U.S.A. we were both considered Izzy’s legal parents, and are both named on her birth cert. We were allowed to make all decisions for her, right from the get go. However, as soon as we left the United States, to return to Australia and later Ireland, the reality of our precarious legal situation kicked in. Both countries view Gay Dads in the same way, that is, both only recognise the biological father as a legal parent, leaving the other father a stranger to his child. Both countries also insist that the biological father, and his child, have to undergo DNA testing in order to establish a legal link between them. This was despite the fact that we had folders upon folders of documentation, from certified and respected professionals, regarding our child's genetic heritage. It kind of makes you feel that at the very least you are viewed with suspicion by those in authority. Another issue we face is that, unlike a heterosexual married couple, our daughter is only allowed to claim a passport from her biological fathers country - the other parent cannot request a passport from his country on behalf of his daughter. This sort of stuff is just wrong and has such a negative impact on the lives and well being of the children of LGBTQ+ parents.
Izzy is growing up so fast, it's been amazing to watch her navigate and interpret the world over the last 4 years. We have also been amazed about how much we, her parents, have learned and grown as a result of having Izzy in our lives. Our weekends have become all about family time. We do a movie and pizza night every Friday and we love exploring the forests, castles and old buildings that surround us. Izzy has been in swimming lessons since she was 6 months of age, so that is always on the weekend agenda.
For us, getting a solution to our current legal situation is important. We are and always will be Izzy’s parents. We are the ones that know her best and should be the ones to make decisions for her until she is able to do so for herself. Why should that responsibility fall on one parent when there are two?
We believe that it’s too easy for those in authority to dismiss LGBTQ+ parents because we are a minority. This inequality does not affect masses of people, but the people who are affected really feel and suffer the consequences.
